Well, that wasn't too bad. My boy arrived home, late of
course, and I did not tut or roll eyes at the usual triggers. He is
several kilos heavier than when he left with huge black rings around his eyes
but seems to have survived a week with Father Christmas (or should that be
Father Toad) rather well. This morning he was expanding like a blossoming
flower, relieved to have some calmness, some space, a few boundaries and a bit
of dancing to Bob Marley in the living room.
Big sigh of relief. I was thinking
last night that this could be quite life changing for us both. My new
attitude of acceptance will mean less work in trying to 'fix' the problems that
I perceive when he comes home such as rudeness, acting up and addiction to
devices. I always feel it’s my job to turn him around which involves lots
of sticking to boundaries and time out.
It works but it takes about ten days to get my son back. When I do get him back to his former self, its
bliss. We are so connected and
affectionate. It’s a tantrum free zone but it also fills me with a sense of loss. Life used to be like this all the time just over
a year ago. That was when Toad started his latest campaign. He had an argument with my mother who complained about the way he would wind up my son before dropping him off, so that we got a very tearful and upset little boy. Instead of the
previous frequency of visits every five to seven weeks, it became every
fortnight and that was when I saw the disturbing changes in behaviour and
experienced less of the happy child I had taken for granted. That is what has fuelled my frustration and
need to try and fix the problem by sticking rigidly to boundaries.
My new acceptance of Toad’s influence will also will lessen the
need to compete with Father Toad in the fun stakes. During our last
school holiday, we went biking or playing golf every day as well as numerous
play dates. I had the second week of the holidays so my boy (let’s call
him Bob) had just spent ten days with Toad.
Bob was returned home unfit, pale and tired. He moaned for the first few days which spoilt
our enjoyment of some glorious days in the country. It meant I felt stressed
and irritated instead of happy in the company of my darling.
Note to self: don't try and compete in the fun stakes. Life
here on the farm is what it is, and by most people's standards, it would be
pretty idyllic for most kids. Let nipper
chill out before introducing too many activities.
Perhaps this reduction of exhausting
micro-managing could extend to my grown up relationships? I did have a
small spat with my boyfriend the other day and I made a decision then, to stop
'fixing' our relationship. I've realised that I take the role of relationship controller
aka Mother and I'm tired of it. I spent the weekend on my own for the
first time in yonks and it was heaven. So relaxing. I forgot how
easy I am to look after (I eat left-overs for days and am quite happy pottering
around, knitting and taking the dogs for a bike ride). I am low
maintenance but have created a high maintenance existence.
I should probably mention that I do run an
all-consuming business after Toad left me high and dry having spent every last
penny I had. I have had to start from scratch in building up my business
and it has taken its toll on my health due to stress. I always feel that
I am not doing my best in either my business or as a mum as the juggling of
balls means I am always in a rush. It’s
a horrible way to live.
Gosh, it could be one of those mid-life light bulb moments instead
of mid-life crisis moments. Am I sounding too zen. Give me a few days and I’m sure you’ll see
the steam escaping from my ears.
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